Or A Woman Like You

I have been thinking a lot about the kind of woman I am and the kind I want to be. I love Ray Lamontagne's song lyric "A 9 pound hammer or a woman like you. Either one of them things will do.". I love the grizzleness of a man having to choose between a woman or a hammer! I want to be that woman - and I think I am. I just don't trust that all the time or acknowledge that someone else might be able to know that. So thus I am challenging my self to challenge myself. I want to contribute more to life (i.e - the amount of TV I watch is not a contribution). So I am commiting to finding out these things I am hiding. I am going to do these 3 things every month to push myself.

1. Create something

2. Cook something

3. Learn something

And damn it after all of that if I don't feel more free to be myself and embrace myself - then why should anyone else? I have so many wonderful people in my life who love me and are confident in me and I need to be as well!

I fear being criticized. I hate that. I want to not give a shit what people think of me. Even now I am wondering if anyone reading this will be judgey because I said give a shit. Its ok if I fail at something, its ok if I am wrong. It is ok if I am silly, inappropriate, or weak sometimes. I need to be fearless about these things because I think they are lovely parts of me that I sometime feel shame about. I want to feel joy in these parts of me. I think that embracing the parts of us that scare us can only unleash exciting and creative things from us. Healing, love, beauty, change, experience, forgiveness and fun....

So here goes....